Making memories matter!
Halloween is in the air, let the memories begin and the costumes resume, who shall we be this year? You can be anyone !!! New memories in the making and always ones that stay with us forever. I will be a Wicked Witch this year!!! any surprise? Probably not to those that know me , I get to pull out my hat and stand tall and cackle at the little children who giggle more than they are fearful!
I am not a scary Witch though I become green each year. My hat is ratty and tall, and my dress is long and beautiful. I love to greet the little ones as they make the steep climb up my front stairs passing through all the creepy creatures that line my walk way, but there goodies in my cauldron just waiting for tiny hands to dig to the bottom and smiling at the loot they have retrieved.
Thinking on Thursday, I did not sleep well last night. Tossing and turning trying to find a place where I didn’t hurt so much. I had plenty of time to think. I am finding myself with so many thoughts rolling around inside my brain I cannot seem to shut it off, just because it is dark outside and time for bed. My brain refuses to turn off. How do you stop the noise ?
I have struggled with sleepless nights for most of my life, I wonder often how I manage to get through my days with little sleep and too much pain. I suppose It goes back to my theories “just do it!” and so I do, first my alarm goes off, I ignore it till my husband nudges me and says “turn that off please already” then the next alarm goes off this time it tells me, GET OUT OF BED!
Challenging all of it own just because my beasts refuse to move until they too have had their coffee!
I have my coffee and I’m sitting here this morning listening to the rain and checking my musical buckets to catch the rain that seeps in through my roof, hey sometimes it rain even inside! This too is on my bucket list, FIX ROOF!
Do you have a bucket list? I realize in my old age that a bucket list is important, things you want to do but for one reason or another life got in the way and you haven’t made time to do them. I am making a bucket list!
My bucket list changes day-to-day, though somethings remain steady.
- I want to go to New York, and the East coast.
- I want to dance in the Ocean one more time.
- I want to hug old friends so tight they will remember my touch on the coldest of day even when I am gone.
- I want to hold a shovel and dig in the dirt to help those who have lost their homes that have been washed away by the storms.
- I want to kneel at my grandfathers grave site and whisper how much I loved him.
- I want to see where my mother was buried and tell her I forgive her, so she may rest in peace.
- (I want to kiss my husband on the top of the Empire State building just like they did in the movies! )
I have more to add to my list and every day I add one more thing. It is a good thing to consider at my age the things you have left to accomplish.
TELL ME THIS IS NOT A SIGHT TO BE SEEN!
I have been here once before, (only my memories are tainted with unpleasant tales), as I tell my children , when ugly memories are what you remember make new ones! Memories are what we’re made of.Old ones, bad ones, sad ones, happy ones and new ones. So make wonderful , fresh and joyous memories that will last a lifetime or two! In the end what will matter are not the ugly, nor the unpleasant, what will matter are the ones we cherish, the ones we hold near and dear to our souls.
While many memories I have are not happy ones, I have a pocket full of amazing, astonishing ones, memories that make me feel elated with joy! Memories that will stay with me long after I am gone! For I have passed them down, through my children and now my grandchild. Even my “few” that will remember me long after I am gone.
We say, in my family, when off to a new adventure( which is every day) “make memories that last! ” Memory making moments! How wonderful is that?
Not a day goes by when we aren’t making memories. The choice is ours to make good ones, even on the days that seem impossible!
The birth of my children! Miracles I say absolute Miracles!
The birth of my granddaughter! Miracle child! Miracles! Memories that to this day make a tear of absolute joy trickle down my face. I fell in love the day my children were born I fell in love all over again with each new arrival!
First in February 1987, then again October of 1988 and once more in November of 1991.
Just when I did not think it possible to love another being as I did my children ,I fell head over heels in love with this tiny bundle, as the doctors handed me the clippers to cut the cord allowing this brand new child to breathe on her own and to be cradled in the arms of my daughter, and then I held her,such warmth I can not explain to anyone except to say, holding a brand new baby is good for the soul!
The pain of giving birth is indescribable , somewhere between the tears and the sharp pains comes this screaming baby , then your own tears are unstoppable.
(we did it little one we did it.)
It reminds me I am alive, I have found that each time I hold a baby I feel hope, I admire this beautiful new being , an entire world awaits them . They can be anyone, do anything, and their eyes show new hope for what is in-store. How incredible is that?
My life has been graced through all the trials and tribulations, my life has been etched in stone , blessed every day by the children I gave life too, and to the extra ones I have collected along the way. I get to be apart of THEIR journey, and I feel grateful to be along for the ride of their lives.
“Meet me on the highway, meet me on the road, as long as you’ve got to travel wont you let someone help to carry your load.”
Carole King sings this better than I do, but when I’m thinking of an adventure her voice plays through my head.
Last night, I received a phone call which totally made my day, I don’t know exactly when it happened my child became my inspiration, and as her words came through my phone and into my head, all I heard was pride, and she continued ” mom your going to save someones life one day, people need to hear what you have to say, you matter mom, keep doing it don’t stop mom please.” “Who raised you to be so smart?” I often say to her, I did the best I could . I did not always get it right but I did it with love. Some days love does not seem to do the trick then you have to be really creative! I hear people say all the time, G-d I cannot wait till they move out! or I hear them say “it doesn’t matter what I do or say”
Keep saying it, keep doing it, keep loving them even when it is really hard, that is when it probably really counts. The hard days . the ugly days. That is when you really have to dig deeper and yes that means sleepless nights, and your make up no longer counts, maybe your hair doesn’t get brushed some days, you pull your hair back into a pony tail and say screw it! Praying nobody sees you at all! Cold dinners, or just nibbling at what your child did not finish before collapsing into bed.
Your children do not notice, they do not see your hair, they barely notice the clothes you are wearing for the second day in a row .They do however FEEL, your hugs and kisses your smile that radiates through them and holds them up when they are not strong, they FEEL the love in your eyes, that stays with them forever. Man some days are rough!
Hang in their new mommies, the mothers who are raising teenagers are absolutely positive they wont survive it.
You will . I did.
My children are grown now, and while they remain inside my soul as the tiny creatures they were the day they were born, I stand back just a little giving them room to spread their wings and fly.. I am always here never too far ( some days a hug is needed or an ear to listen, and sometimes no words are needed at all.)
I just smile with pride at the humans they are.
I will close today, with this little thought.
Have you smiled today? Find something to smile about, More smile than tears means it has been a great day!
Thank you for coming along with me as I take a trip down memory lane, though not always sunny, it is always better than many.
Make a bucket list and then make it happen!
Robin ~ a simple bird .