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“There was much…

“There was much to hate in this world and too much to love.” ― Gregory Maguire, Wicked

“People who claim that they’re evil are usually no worse than the rest of us… It’s people who claim that they’re good, or any way better than the rest of us, that you have to be wary of.” ― Gregory Maguire, Wicked

“That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness-and life isn’t the same now. It’s wonderful, but it isn’t the same.” ― Gregory Maguire, Wicked

Wicked, is a story of the misunderstood, it is a story I too often think was a description of my life. (I even tattooed her on my back.)

                                                                                                                                                            Defying Gravity

I have read most of the original stories of OZ, and I often found great comfort within the leather-bound books all 40 or so there seemed to be lining the bookshelves, beauty and fear in each chapter I read.  In that land, the land of Oz, their world was not an easy place.Enduring each day and waking up to a new day gave me strength when I needed it most.  The world of OZ is full of nightmares. Yet, strange but true, beauty still prevails even in what one might assume to be evil, hellish even  at first glance.

My world has always been full of witches, both evil and beautiful ones.  (fine line between the two)  Margret Hamilton, being my most favorite of Wicked Witches, she was  so beautifully wicked , and after all she too was misunderstood, someone stole her sisters shoes after all. She just wanted them back.

When Wicked, the Play, came around I was full of excitement beyond any words. It was my story unfolding in lights of Broadway! ( or so I pretended or maybe not) I have been collecting Wicked Witches my entire life. (harder to find than one might imagine) Through the years I have lost many from one place to another. Having moved more times than I care to recount( too many times stolen or broken by someone with such anger and hurt inside their soul I watched as my beautiful witches were shattered. My safety seemed to be at stake. I had to remind myself . Things, stuff ,it’s just stuff, I have said 1000 times stuff and things can come and go. It is the gifts one holds insides that matters. It is what keeps us steady and on the path. Nothing can take away what is inside. Shattering only stuff not souls.

 Now, I have a place where I can keep them safe,( my beautiful husband made me a case to keep them safe and for a change of scenery out of a box.) I see such beauty in them. I do not like all witches, I am very particular about such things, Something in their eyes catches me and speaks to a part of my soul, “you are the one , take me with you .” My Witches aren’t evil, they are creatures that have endured UGLY and perhaps have been blamed for things others couldn’t explain.( or refused to acknowledge) Witches of Salem? Were the really wicked? I don’t think so. Joan of Arc? (I used to be obsessed with her, in part because she carried the name of my mother.) I knew no woman who held the same name as my mother, I always thought it was a sign.  I tried so hard to find a way to make sense of my mother, who she was and why she had such disdain for me. Truth is, even to this day I cannot, other than to say, she was a tormented soul and I became her wall of hate and shame.

Joan of Arc’s fate was death, to be clothed in a dress for they believed she was wicked because she wore pants. Joan of Arc, by today’s standards is considered to have been a hero. Statues of her,as well as movies have been made, time after time. Joan of Arc was a brave young woman who was wiling to go into battle for a cause she believed in. ( she thought G-d sent her) who knows maybe he did. I wanted this to be true of my mother. It was not to be then . It is not now, nor ever will be. My mother, Joan, was tormented, actually hateful and cruel in her actions. She was spiteful and mean-spirited, full of  hate .(not always what one might say when speaking of their mother, mine however was pure evil.) My mother was indeed a witch of sorts, though not the kind I want to collect and keep around me. I feared her most of all. While I have forgiven her, my mother, for my peace of mind, I am not sure she has felt it yet. I think she lies somewhere “in between” awaiting for peace to come. They say “rest in peace”, though I think that can only happen when they have been forgiven by those that lie awake.

Her time will come, my mother remains on my bucket list of to-dos. I will see where she has been laid to rest and I will whisper,” I forgave you a long time ago, I am so sorry I could not give you peace sooner.”  Maybe, then she too, will rest in peace, and stay away from my nights allowing me to rest peacefully beside the man I  adore.

Some witches are evil. The Witch in Hansel and Gretel was mighty evil.  Like many before her and many after, evil exists even among the most beautiful of creatures. How do you keep them separate? I really do not have the answer for that. I only know that sometimes evil can disguise itself as something loveable, alluring, and even stunning. Something very attractive about evil creatures. Maybe it is the way in which our minds can make sense of what otherwise refuses too.

It is bigger than life! It is an experience! Not just a show, musical, not just a story, it is what crawls through my veins and makes my blood pump and keeps my heart beating. It is what makes me feel ALIVE! It is simply WICKED!

“That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness-and life isn’t the same now. It’s wonderful, but it isn’t the same.” ― Gregory Maguire, Wicked

Idina Menzel

Beautifully Wicked, stunning and wild, deeply thoughtful, and has changed me for good!

“I don’t know if I have been changed for the better, but I have been changed for good”

In my life today  I defy gravity I get up when they tell me I can’t, I get up when my body refuses too. I do not allow gravity to define me ever!

“Something wicked this way comes” Shakespeare “Something wicked this way comes,” indeed, and they’re delighted. Macbeth—at least, the wicked Macbeth—is in part their own creation. – “Macbeth” Shakespeare. Sounds wickedly wonderful doesn’t it? Something so magical in the word wicked. Wickedly wonderful wickedly beautiful WICKED!

I tell people all the time I am THE Wicked Witch, not to be confused with other silly witches, or even the ugly ones for that matter, no I am the witch that protects little children they find comfort behind my skirt, and inside my arms. I do not eat little children for breakfast, though I am likely to play catch with a ball of fire if you mess with my family, what is important to me. I am not cruel and evil. It is simply green paint and tooling for my skirt and lets not forget the perfect hat to adorn my head.  It is what has protected my heart, my soul for many years.   

                                                                                                                      

  When I was a child I watched Bewitched!!! Yes I am old.

It was not Samantha the lovely housewife, and happen to be a witch whom  I dreamed of however, though imagine if one could  just wiggle your nose and wooossssh the house would be clean!

It was rather her eccentric mother I adored. Endora,

She was one of a kind, a character I was fascinated with, I loved that she occasionally flew to the witches meeting place somewhere in the sky. I dreamed of going there. It seemed like it might be a great place to go. It would  allow me to become braver than I ever knew I would become.

I rule my life no one else does. Say what you will, do what you want, I live by my own terms.

You can too.

Being Wicked to me means knowing whats right and whats wrong and making sure you know the difference.! Wicked is when my daughter comes over for no reason at all just for a hug and a cup of coffee, Wicked is the way I felt when I watched my son marry his Princess, Wicked is the way I felt when my grandchild was born. Wicked is the way I feel when protecting my daughter from a monster in the night, Wicked is the way I felt when I carried my husbands ashes and when I said goodbye.

Wicked today is how I feel each morning I am alive, when my feet hit the floor! When I lie down each night!  Wicked is the way I feel when I lie inside my husbands arms and the way he kisses me each night. Wicked is not a bad thing at all !

          Wicked has changed me for good!                                                                                                                           

Thank you again for all who join me as I find my way through,( I find it most interesting how Art Imitates life, and life imitates art.)

I am glad you’ve joined me in my quest for peace, and contentment.

I leave today, with a special thank you, to those who have changed my life, not always for the way I would have wanted forever changing . I have learned life’s  lessons both good and bad from all those who have touched my heart, graced my life, and mostly to those ( you know who you are) that remain written like a hand-print on my heart. You are the loves of my life. I am grateful to you.  You continue to  inspire me to be a better me . You touch my soul every day.

( Every now and then it is good to feel a little wicked)

Robin ~ a simple bird.

A Wonderfully WICKED LIFE!

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One thought on ““There was much…

  1. You have certainly changed my life for the for the better. You’ve left your hand print on my heart and I don’t wake up a day that I don’t feel you there telling me “I can do it”. You have a very special place in my heart. Always Love You 🙂

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