I was thinking the past few days about frustrations and what it means to different people. Some people when frustrated it slows down their lives to a screeching halt and for others it fuels them into being so motivated nothing gets in their way and they soar new heights.
I am stuck somewhere in the middle.
Generally I would say the middle is not such a bad spot to be in. If the middle ground is comfortable not too high not too low not too tight and not too wide. Just right. It is when your brain wants to go one way and your forces for whatever reason keep pulling you back down. that is a terribly frustrating place to be.
I have the best advice when it comes to others, I have a much harder time listening to myself .
Ever wonder why that is? Lucy from the Peanuts cartoon used to have a sign that read,” I can cure anything for a nickel”.
A woman I knew made that into a plaque for my front door it stayed there for years.
I should be so lucky.
Yesterday my beautiful middle one came here to pick me up to go meet her new puppy and I was so excited. She made the trip to come help me down my stairs and then up her stairs and then back home up my stairs once more. So much work just to go for a short visit . I too often just say forget it. Truth is secretly I love to go over to her warm home which she always makes e feel like I am welcome and loved. It is a proud moment for me. I also worry though that I have become too much trouble for others and who wants to be bothered with some old broken down lady? I realize that is how I see myself not really how others see me.
Hence that is why I am stuck.
My new little love.
So , why in the world does it have to be such a chore to go 10 mins away when something and someone I want to see? I am hurting that is why. I had a lovely afternoon visiting with my middle and her new baby but while I was there, ( and yes I even got down on her soft carpet and laid there playing with this little bundle of love)
a crown fell off in my mouth and due to my recent hip replacement I am not allowed to get any dental work done for at least 8-10 weeks.
Again I find myself stuck.
Silently I end up in tears.
Feeling very lonely and afraid of everything.
I have never minded being alone, loneliness is a state of mind not where you are.
I have spent the better part of my life doing for others in one fashion or another and somewhere along the way I think I may have lost me… Helping others is just always what I have done no matter the price it cost me. I am at a crossroad now and I need to make big decisions .
I am crying these days more than I smile and you have learned now that I am not okay with that way of living. Life is far to interesting to be lonely and sad .
Stand up tall I yell at myself. Don’t allow others to hurt you. People want to poke you and take you down so they feel taller , better about their lives? Well I am not having any part of that. I have given all I have and if that is not enough well then find a new store and see if what they are selling is better than what I have?
I know why people strike out at others especially when they are at the lowest point. It is easy … I am human however and I deserve to be treated with the respect I have earned!
So, if you feel like bullying or being hateful please take it somewhere else. I am all filled up here. I am not interested in anything unless it is kind, thoughtful, and from the heart.
With that being said, stop thinking it is all about you and offer a little to someone other than yourself.
Stop being selfish and hurting others just because you can!
My family matters to me . I do not go out of my way to hurt them and I will defend them to my death. I am their greatest fan and biggest cheering section. I hope no one ever takes that for granted and when I am feeling weak I hope they don’t use that against me.
I wont live forever.
I will live forever inside other hearts if they choose to hold me there.
I am okay with that.
Frustration in this old lady has just made me want more, not less.
I settle for no one!
We all have adversities to deal with ,everyone has their own hardships. Judge no one unless you have walked a mile in their shoes.
Thanks for coming with me for another day, I hope you stay warm with this bitter cold we are all sharing . Find things to smile about even on the really hard days.
Robin ~ a simple bird.