I’m loving you with every beat of my heart.
There are mornings when I look across the room and I swear my heart skips a beat.
It becomes impossible to sleep.
Lying beside you I watch as you breathe, I feel the rhythm of your heartbeat keeping time with mine. It’s a silent dance between lovers at night. Close the shades and the doors ,lock them up so tight.
Close your hand inside mine, keep me close to your side. Put me inside your pocket if you are traveling too far.
I’ve hidden behind corners, packed up all my things. Running away is something I had always done. I kept my running shoes just by the door, always ready to bolt. I had done it before.
…but you walked in the rain tossing my shoes aside, telling me my days of running had come to subside. I hoped no one would notice, barely human is how I felt. Broken down garbage, damaged goods just the same.
You did not seem to see all the cracks that I wore, you linked your fingers in mine like never before. You traced every scar and walked through the storm. You did not run when you saw who I was. Instead you kept telling me broken was fine.
You carried the glue to fix all my cracks.
You remind me quite often.
The clamps that you had used for holding me tight were your strong arms that held me upright. One doctor a day, taking me at least once a week, some days were so awful yet we giggled at night. My nightmares were rough and kept you up half the night, but you never complained you just held me tight. Along with the glue and the clamps that you held, came the sandpaper too that gently smoothed all the glue. You held me together with tender love and such care. True china might break so precious and quite rare. You informed me each day not damaged goods perfection you saw.
So much stronger I’ve grown from all the loved that you’ve shown. Today I stand tall and do not hide my head. I have you to thank for that my dear Pooh.
Beautiful , you called me a name I ignored for nobody I remembered had ever before. You greeted me each day with such love I was so scared. If I opened my eyes you might have disappeared. So I kept my eyes closed so tight it actually hurt, but when I opened my eyes your eyes to my surprise you were still there.
I remember the night as it started to rain , I was not sure you would even show up all the same. Showing up you sure did with a red rose in one hand .
I could not believe that this man actually came. I sat on the counter at work on that night waiting to see, I was such a sore sight… You walked through the doors I felt so small in my self fearing faithfully the worst. we agreed to meet just after work across the street from the place that I worked. I walked across the street to a little old place Buds was the name and I knew t quite well. Searching the sea of faces I saw not one of them for the I would adore. I did not see you at first. I was so frightened I had bitten off more than I could chew and you had most certainly walked far away. I walked to the back of this old familiar bar knowing the people so it wasn’t too far. As I walked to the back there you sat in a booth, waiting on me. (I almost took off running you were so out of my league.) It wasn’t possible that you waited on me.
You were, so far a man of their word.
So I sat down .
We talked and we ate all sorts of odd things you were an appetizer sort of a man. I had met my match. The night drew close, it had become increasing late, not the meet and greet we had thought we would have.
The bar came to a close and they ushered us out ,I remember feeling your eyes burned into me .You leaned closer to kiss me goodnight, what happened next was just such a sight.
Up against the wall with your mouth pressed to mine, the people all left giggling at us. The restaurant closed and the people with keys walked sheepishly behind us as they pretended not to see. Two kids we’d become as though not a soul even cared. They stood at a distance watching for a moment at us. We kissed in the rain an we did not stop! They spoke in Spanish saying something about us though I do not know what they said I felt it instead.
Not wanting the night to come to an end I could not explain this feeling I had. Neither could you, it was not what we had planned but you drove me home slowly down the block where I lived. We held each others hand. You drove home on that night speeding all the way home, you received a ticket I think but then we did not care. The phone rang barely an hour away and we talked through that night the alarms brought us back in the next day.
“Good Morning Beautiful how was your night…” was playing inside of my home, but it was your voice that I heard.
Getting ready to wake all the kids as they slept not wanting to leave the call I was on. You spoke funny words ” I have to go off to work.” We hung up the phone and I was left with these thoughts, cannot never happen not ever again. It just can’t and I knew. Before you hung up the phone on that day, you said words I can still hear to this day, ” I’ll come see you tonight I’ll sneak into your room, leave the back door open I’ll bring the food .” If your sleeping I’ll wake you , I need to see you I can’t wait a day.”
We had but one date that’s lasted through the years never looking back once when you brought me to tears. We sat at a table inside of a Mall, we ate silly pizza, thin crust and all. New York style pizza was for me. We chatted and giggled and kissed like we knew.
… but it was those words that you spoke, made me freeze in that spot. You had taken my breath away , not sure I could breathe.
Marry Me please, for the rest of your life, not a day can pass by that you’re not in my sight.
I had plenty reason to say no I just knew. The words had escaped me and I just sat there just so. I sat there that day looking at you, pleading at me, with your eyes not just words. You gave me a small ring. It sparked just right I could not believe what you were asking of me.
I still wear that ring on my neck and it gleams I wear it as close to my heart as can be!
Your soul was all mixed up with mine, we must have been tangled from somewhere inside.
You kept on speaking I could not stop your mouth, I’ll buy you a home I promise I will. I’ll buy us a home were we can raise all our kids, a home we’ll grow old in over time. Not one word did I trust I had heard them 1000 times.
But , you gave me a key.
All the homes that we saw I still did not believe all that we saw. I walked in to homes where others had lived it was so much work and I was not well. I still had scary thoughts of the day that you would see all the trouble I was and I wasn’t not the one for you or you for me.
You proved me wrong. I jumped and I flew. I trusted each word on a wing and a prayer. Off a cliff I had jumped and hoped for the best, if not trying to live out my best!
We met in a parking lot on a sunny day you handed me keys and said meet you home. It was not till I opened the door on that day, I realized my home was behind this brown door.
It was not just a key you gave me that day .
A home with a family with plenty of room we mixed up our children and came up with a plan. Forever you said forever my friend. Hang up those shoes you’re not running again.
We still live in our home. Home is the place with the key, we’ve raised all our children which really is rare. We even brought a grandchild into our land. They have almost all moved away and older we’ve grown just as you said. My home is not empty, no empty nest.
Every night you come home to me.
It is them that my heart is able to rest.
It matters not where we live for what I have found, and learned along the way. With years and tears and sorrows alike we’ve both buried spouses and dried many tears. WE have pushed past hard times and laughed more than we’ve cried . My home is with you, wherever your bound. Wherever you travel I will go with you too, for you are my heart , my lover, my friend. I wear your ring proudly we spoke years ago.
Those words were from my heart and completed my soul .
I say it again and again that I do!
Till death do us part bring it on I’m with you!
Today is Valentines Day, and I dedicate this blog to the love of my life. My husband. I have been graced by his love I am one lucky girl. Thank you forever and ever, for always seeing me as beautiful and not damaged goods.
Thank you for coming with me today, I hope that your life is filled with such hope…if it happened to me it can happen to you. Every now and then you have to take a leap of faith and fly……
Robin~ a simple bird.