I am finding that I feel stuck. I see both my feet and they keep betraying me an I sit and wonder why. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I seem to move? What is stopping me? I hear and know of the words like, pain, depression, empty, sadness, lonely, worthless, tired.
I suppose these apply to some degree. How in the world do I keep moving when everything inside says stop, give up, quit? I am not a quitter, I am not the type of person that throws in the towel, and yet I am stuck.
The phone rings now and then and sometimes I answer it and pretend to be who they think I am or want me to be. The happy one, the silly one, the one who has the answers. The thoughtful one, the perfect one, the one who nothing ever really gets too. I call it the Pollyanna . I can’t find her anymore. I have grown extremely tired.
I am holding my breath and praying to someone out there and hoping with every breath I take that the staircase is actually there…
I cannot see it, I hope it is actually there as I take that first step and pray with everything I have that my foot will land on solid ground. It begins with taking a breath, breathe in and breathe out…Then put one foot in front of the other and that’s just the way it begins.
This is not a sad tale, or a tale of giving up, or saying goodbye. I needed to begin again and start somewhere.
So I am starting all over again.
What do I have to lose?
If I don’t who will?
Thank you for joining me again today I promise to keep moving and sharing again. I have missed it, and I hope you will keep pace with me again.
~ Robin joi
a simple bird.